Story by: Laurel Collins
Narrated by: Laurel Collins ​​​​ (Will & Colin Brunenn)
Directed By: Leslie Collins
Original Music by: Frank Spitznagel
Produced by: Leslie Collins & Nikita Burdein


Mean Maude: Annie Moor
Nasty Nellie: Ali Reed:
Fairy Godmother: Ashley Ward
Mr. Definition: Jeremy Bent


Recording Engineer, Sound Designer, Mixer: Luke Allen
Sound Designer, Mixer: Leslie Collins
Recording Engineer: Claudio Santos
Recording Engineer: Cory Choy
Recording Assistant: Reed Adler

Many thanks to Silver Sound Studios, Dan Reitz (opening music), Colin Brunenn (additional vocals) and all of our Bedtime Stories donors.

Mean Maude and Nasty Nellie

By Laurel Collins (and Colin Brunenn)

Once upon a time, there were two sisters.  One was named Nasty Nellie and the other one was named Mean Maude.  Nasty Nellie and Mean Maude were talking one day about their father’s birthday.  They said, “You know what?  Our parents know us as Mean Maude and Nasty Nellie so we’re gonna, we’re gonna do something nice instead.  We are gonna do something nice for Dad.  We’re gonna bake him a cake.  Yeah, we’re gonna bake a cake and tell him how much we love him because we have been some not very nice girls.”

So, they went to the kitchen and Nasty Nellie said, “I know how to make a cake” and Mean Maude said, “No, I know how to bake a cake.  I know exactly how to do it.  You start with flour, and you start with eggs!”  Nasty Nellie said, “Nuh uhhh!  You start with salt.  Yeah, you put salt in a big pot and then you put chocolate chips in the pot!”  Mean Maude said, “Nuh uh, NUH UH!!!  You crush these eggs in your hands and you throw them into a bowl.  Then you jump into the bowl and you jump on the eggshells with your feet and you jump on the eggshells until they all come apart!  Nasty Nellie screamed, “NO!  You put popcorn in the mix!  Then you put it all in the microwave and add coca cola, some Big Red and Dr. Pepper!”

Mean Maude screamed back at Nasty Nellie, “Just leave me alone!  I know how to do this!  Just leave me alone!” and threw an egg at Nasty Nellie.  Nasty Nellie did not like that at all and said, “How dare you throw that egg at ME!”  She then picked up a bunch of flour and threw it across the room at Mean Maude.

Mean Maude yelled, “FOOD FIGHT!”  She started to throw Crisco, pancakes, chips and any other food that she could find in the kitchen.  Nasty Nellie then turned on the water in the sink, got the sprayer and sprayed it right at Mean Maude’s face.  She grabbed the whisk and she threw the whisk over at Maude’s head and it whacked her upside her head.  Maude screeched, “OWWW!”  So, Maude picked up a big spoon and threw it across the kitchen and it hit Nasty Nellie right on the nose.  Nellie cried out, “Oh my gosh, you broke my nose!!!  You broke my nose!!!!”  They were both really angry now!  Nellie picked up a big rolling pin and threw it over at Maude and it whacked her so hard that her ear came flying off!   She knocked her ear off of her head.  Maude yelled out, “I can’t hear!”  I can’t hear anything!!!”  So, she picked up a bunch of forks and she threw the forks as hard as she could right at her sister Nasty Nellie and a fork stuck right in her forehead and another fork stuck in her cheek.  She screamed with anger, “OH MY GOSH!  You just threw forks at me…”  It was a full on brawl!

So now they were throwing everything they could find at each other.  One ear popped off!  A nose popped off!  An eyeball came out!  Somebody got their teeth knocked out! Somebody lost an arm and the kitchen was a mess… a huge mess.

And then suddenly they heard…

“Deeeee-le-leee-lo-le-loo.”  They heard the singing from afar.  They heard again.  Getting closer, “Dee-dee-de-do-le-la-le-lo-loo.”  Nasty Nellie said, “Is that you Maude?”
Maude said, “No, you knocked my tongue and my teeth out.  I can’t make a sound plus I can’t heard what you’re sayin’.”  They waited for a few more seconds and just then their fairy godmother came flying in through the window.  Fairy Godmother flew in, right into the mess of the kitchen and landed smack in the middle of the messy, messy kitchen.  She was wearing her beautiful golden dress and carrying her magic wand and big magic hat.  She had to be extra careful to not get her dress dirty!  She said, “My children, what’s been happening here?  Maude said, “It was Nellie’s fault.”  Then Nellie said, “It was Maude’s fault because she started it.”  Then Maude screamed, “NO, SHE STARTED IT!”

The Fairy Godmother said, “Oh my children, have you learned anything from this epic battle?”

Maude and Nellie sat there for a very long time and couldn’t think of one good reason why they were fighting.  They looked at each other and were sad.  Maude said, “Maybe the fight wasn’t so good.  I’m missing my ear” and Nellie sulked, “I’ve broken my nose and my teeth.”

The Fairy Godmother said, “If you can explain to me the lesson you learned here, I will restore everything back to normal.”

They asked the Fairy Godmother how she could restore everything back to normal. She answered, “A Fairy Godmother can do all sorts of magical things.  I don’t need a wand to fly because I can levitate and float through the air without wings.  I’m magical!  I can even jump off of a diving board and land on the ground from a hundred feet up without using my wings or wand and land into a swimming pool.  I can even do that four times really fast.  You see girls… the wand is just for show.  I don’t need the wand because a Fairy Godmother has all sorts of magical powers.  I even have the magical power to stop sisters from fighting and being mean to each other.”

So, Mean Maude and Nasty Nellie told her the truth about what really happened.  Maude said, “Well, we were trying to make a cake but… ummm, we got in a fight.  So I threw an egg at her and she threw flour back at me.”   They told her the whole story from the front to back.

Nasty Nellie looked down at the floor and said, “You know, it wasn’t very nice what I did to you Maude.”  Then Mean Maude said, “I wasn’t very nice either.  I’m so… I’m so sor…I’m sorry!”  Nasty Nellie started to cry and said, “I’m sorry too!”  They both started to cry.  They were so sorry that they’d hurt each other.  The Fairy Godmother said, “Oh my children, it’s alright.  I’m glad you realized your mistake.”

With one swing of her magic wand, everything went back to normal.   Maude’s ear flew right back onto her head and popped into place.  Nellie’s nose was unbroken and her teeth flew back into her mouth. The mess on the floor was gone.  Maude’s arm popped right back on her body and worked just fine.

You see?  There you have it.  A Fairy Godmother has all sorts of magic!